Orang-orang hadir dalam hidupmu dan tanpa kau hindari, kau membuat beberapa ekspektasi dari mereka dan kehadiran mereka di hidupmu ini
Kau berharap pada mereka, manusia yang mungkin tak lebih sempurna dari dirimu adanya
Tapi kau gantungkan asamu pada beberapa dari mereka, berharap mereka dapat membuatmu bahagia
Tapi tak selalu keindahan berbalas keelokan, pun tak selamanya keburukan laku dibalas dengan kekejaman...seperti halnya harapan tak selalu berarti kenyataan
Kau kan menyadarinya, siapa sebenarnya yang benar-benar mencintaimu
Ketika ia membuktikan padamu bahwa ia benar-benar mengenalmu
Ketika ia mengingat warna kesukaanmu-karena pernah mendengarmu sekali saja berkata "aku suka benda itu, karena warnanya begitu"
Ketika ia mengingat benda yang kau inginkan-karena pernah sekali saja ia mendengarmu "kenapa tidak ada barang seperti itu dijual disini?"
Ketika ia mengingat benda yang kau sukai-karena pernah sekali saja ia melihatmu memakainya dan berkata "aku tidak menyangka ada benda seperti ini"
Sementara ia yang lain, yang kau gantungi harapan itu...
Pernahkah ia tahu, apa warna kesukaanmu? Mungkin ia bahkan tak menyadarinya, walau sudah ratusan kali ia melihatmu dengan sengaja memilih warna itu.
Pernahkah ia tahu, benda apa yang sedang kau inginkan? Mungkin ia bahkan tak pernah memperhatikan, walau sudah ratusan kali ia mendengar gumaman kecewamu ketika lagi-lagi kau tidak bisa mendapat apa yang kau mau.
Pernahkan ia tahu, benda yang benar-benar kau sukai? Yang kau pakai setiap hari? Apakah ia peduli?
Dan saat kau menyadari semua itu, seolah ada palu dihantamkan ke kepalamu
Betapa selama ini kau telah mengharapkan orang yang salah untuk menyayangimu
Betapa selama ini kau telah melupakan (menyia-nyiakan?) ia dan mereka yang benar-benar mencintaimu
Mencintaimu, walau kau tak pernah sengaja tampil menyenangkan untuknya
Tetap mencintaimu, meskipun kau sering memperlakukan ia seenaknya
Terus mencintaimu walau kau tak pernah peduli...
**Ya Allah, Berikanlah aku kemampuan untuk melihat siapa yang baik untukku. Jika ia/mereka baik untukku maka Dekatkanlah dengan aku. Jika ia/mereka buruk untukku maka Jauhkanlah dariku. Sesungguhnya Engkaulah maha pembolak-balik hati**
Yogyakarta, 16 November 2010 pukul 22.15 WIB
04/11/10
Review Hari Ini (4 November)
Orang-orang optimis melihat bunga mawar, bukan durinya; orang-orang pesimis terpaku pada duri dan melupakan mawarnya. (Kahlil Gibran)
Hari ini sudah kuputuskan aku akan menjadi seorang optimis saja. Ya, hari ini sebenarnya ada beberapa hal yang membuatku merasa down. Salah satunya adalah UTS yang meragukan hasilnya. Itu cuma salah satu...ahh, memang nyata itu kejam. Tapi ia jujur. Dan NYATA.
Tapi Allah tidak pernah jahat padaku. Ada kejadian yang menyenangkan, satu yang benar-benar menyenangkan...hari ini aku latihan konseling pasien buat lomba minggu depan. Pada sesi latihan kemarin, dosenku (mentor) bilang kalau aku terlalu sering menggunakan kata yang tidak perlu, seperti "gitu", "anu", "ini", dan "itu". Dan hari ini alhamdulillah, menurutnya aku sudah tidak mengucapkan kata-kata yang tidak perlu itu. Padahal aku tidak melatih diriku secara khusus...aku cuma bilang pada diriku sendiri aku tidak akan mengucap kata-kata itu lagi (setidaknya menguranginya). Kekuatan pikiran memang hebat, kalau kita benar-benar insist untuk membuatnya bekerja.
Kalau tentang kejadian yang kurang menyenangkan...bagian 'berduri' dari perjalananku hari ini? Aku memutuskan untuk berpikir positif mengenainya. Kenapa Allah menciptakan duri untuk mawar yang indah? Untuk melindunginya dari tangan-tangan jahil. Mungkin hari ini Allah memberi duri pada kehidupanku, untuk melindunginya dari kerusakan yang lebih dalam. Mungkin begitu...kita tidak pernah tahu cara-Nya bekerja sampai Ia benar-benar bekerja kan.
Misalnya tentang UTS itu. Aku sedih karena merasa tidak maksimal dalam mengerjakannya. Tapi apakah sedihku bisa mengganti jawaban-jawabanku yang salah dan menaikkan nilaiku? Tidak bisa kan...jadi aku memutuskan untuk move on. Hmm, move-on...benar-benar mantra yang sangat membantuku untuk menegakkan kepala hari ini. Ya, kalau aku terdiam nanti malah benar-benar sedih. Jadi aku memutuskan untuk memelihara energi positifku dengan melakukan hal-hal yang kunikmati. Walaupun harus hujan-hujan juga, tapi aku seneng.
I won't let anything, or anyone ruining my life. I'm happy and nothing/nobody can change that.
Kalau dipikir-pikir bakal wagu lho kalau aku down. Kenapa? Kalau aku down, artinya aku lembek banget...coba deh bandingkan keadaanku sama pengungsi di lereng Merapi sana, aku jauh lebih beruntung sekali...Merapi yang saat ini sedang batuk-batuk dan suara batuknya dapat kudengar dari kosku yang jaraknya hampir 40 km dari puncaknya. Yang batuk-batuknya menggetarkan pintu kamarku. Nah kalau aku yang disini udah ketakutan gimana mereka yang disana?
Ya Allah, Engkau Tahu kemampuan tiap umatmu, dan aku yakin Kau tidak akan Memberi cobaan diluar batas kemampuan mereka.
Merapi, tenanglah.....
Hari ini sudah kuputuskan aku akan menjadi seorang optimis saja. Ya, hari ini sebenarnya ada beberapa hal yang membuatku merasa down. Salah satunya adalah UTS yang meragukan hasilnya. Itu cuma salah satu...ahh, memang nyata itu kejam. Tapi ia jujur. Dan NYATA.
Tapi Allah tidak pernah jahat padaku. Ada kejadian yang menyenangkan, satu yang benar-benar menyenangkan...hari ini aku latihan konseling pasien buat lomba minggu depan. Pada sesi latihan kemarin, dosenku (mentor) bilang kalau aku terlalu sering menggunakan kata yang tidak perlu, seperti "gitu", "anu", "ini", dan "itu". Dan hari ini alhamdulillah, menurutnya aku sudah tidak mengucapkan kata-kata yang tidak perlu itu. Padahal aku tidak melatih diriku secara khusus...aku cuma bilang pada diriku sendiri aku tidak akan mengucap kata-kata itu lagi (setidaknya menguranginya). Kekuatan pikiran memang hebat, kalau kita benar-benar insist untuk membuatnya bekerja.
Kalau tentang kejadian yang kurang menyenangkan...bagian 'berduri' dari perjalananku hari ini? Aku memutuskan untuk berpikir positif mengenainya. Kenapa Allah menciptakan duri untuk mawar yang indah? Untuk melindunginya dari tangan-tangan jahil. Mungkin hari ini Allah memberi duri pada kehidupanku, untuk melindunginya dari kerusakan yang lebih dalam. Mungkin begitu...kita tidak pernah tahu cara-Nya bekerja sampai Ia benar-benar bekerja kan.
Misalnya tentang UTS itu. Aku sedih karena merasa tidak maksimal dalam mengerjakannya. Tapi apakah sedihku bisa mengganti jawaban-jawabanku yang salah dan menaikkan nilaiku? Tidak bisa kan...jadi aku memutuskan untuk move on. Hmm, move-on...benar-benar mantra yang sangat membantuku untuk menegakkan kepala hari ini. Ya, kalau aku terdiam nanti malah benar-benar sedih. Jadi aku memutuskan untuk memelihara energi positifku dengan melakukan hal-hal yang kunikmati. Walaupun harus hujan-hujan juga, tapi aku seneng.
I won't let anything, or anyone ruining my life. I'm happy and nothing/nobody can change that.
Kalau dipikir-pikir bakal wagu lho kalau aku down. Kenapa? Kalau aku down, artinya aku lembek banget...coba deh bandingkan keadaanku sama pengungsi di lereng Merapi sana, aku jauh lebih beruntung sekali...Merapi yang saat ini sedang batuk-batuk dan suara batuknya dapat kudengar dari kosku yang jaraknya hampir 40 km dari puncaknya. Yang batuk-batuknya menggetarkan pintu kamarku. Nah kalau aku yang disini udah ketakutan gimana mereka yang disana?
Ya Allah, Engkau Tahu kemampuan tiap umatmu, dan aku yakin Kau tidak akan Memberi cobaan diluar batas kemampuan mereka.
Merapi, tenanglah.....
02/11/10
Anti-Epileptic Drugs
Thanks to molecular pharmacology for explaining this. Ah, you have to know how i love pharmacology...the lessons and the lecturer (hahaha). Basic pharmacology taught me about many types of drugs and their names too...molecular biology explain its mechanism of action in detail, in molecular detail. Yeah it can be complicated sometimes, but i think it's kind of fun.
I want to write a brief review about some of anti-epileptic drugs' mechanism. My favorite lecturer explained a few types of anti-epileptic drugs. Here they are (caution: may be very boring, but who cares, it is for my archieve):
#Phenytoin and Carbamazepin
These drugs prevents seizures by prolongs (and stabilizes) the inactivation time of sodium channels. In an epilepsy sufferer, the impulse in their nerve cells travel so fast and uncontrollable, causing a sudden, involuntary, and uncontrollable body and extremities movement (called grand-mal seizures). Sodium channels have an important role in this process; the traveling of impulse in nerve cells depends on how fast the propagation happens. Propagation happens when a sodium channel opens (activation), letting a sodium (Na+) ion enters the nerve cells and causing depolarization (reducing of electric potential/voltage between intracellular and extracellular milieu). This depolarization causing the next sodium channels to open, letting another sodium ion in and causing depolarization of that channel. Again, this depolarization open the next sodium channel to open. This event happens simultaneously until the impulse reaches the nerve cell ending. I imagine propagation as impulse running from channel to channel from axon to nerve cell ending.
Prolonged inactivation by those drugs causing the inhibition of impulse to travels, so they prevent seizures.
#Etosuksimid
Phenytoin and Carbamazepin, as told above, are used to treat grand-mal epilepsy (seizures of all parts of the sufferer's body). Beside grand-mal epilepsy there is another type of epilepsy, petit-mal epilepsy. In this epilepsy, the sufferer does not experience seizures. Instead, they are unconsious for a brief period of time. This may be accompanied by steady facial expressions and eyes staring blankly. People around them, or maybe themselves, may be unaware of this attack. Based on articles i read, 75% of petit-mal sufferers will experience grand-mal seizures later in their life :(
Petit-mal epilepsy's mechanism of occurance involves T-type (tiny/transient type) calcium channel. This type of calcium channels is an ion channel that can be activated by minor depolarization (slight reduction of electric potensial/voltage between intracellular and extracellular milleu). When it is activated, it opens and a calcium ion (Ca++) from extracellular milleu goes inside. Etosuksimid inhibits this channel to be open, thus prevents petit-mal attack.
Okay...those are from my lecturer. Then i searched in internet about valproic acid. Here it is:
# Valproic Acid
I am fond of this drug. Why? Because later i knew how great it really is. Valproic acid is able to prolongs and stabilizes the sodium channels (like phenytoin and carbamazepin). It is able to inhibits the opening of T-type calcium channels (like etosuksimid). Therefore, valproic acid can prevent both grand-mal and petit-mal seizures. It's also inhibits metabolism (transamination) of GABA by inhibits GABA transaminase enzyme. GABA is known for its effect on inactivating nerve cells. So, if we inhibits GABA metabolism, there will be more active GABA, causing greater nerve cells inactivation (good way for preventing seizures). To make it sounds greater, it also shows transquillizing effect like lithium. It is also now being investigated as a potent medication for HIV, lupus and cancer (because it inhibits Histone-Diacetylase enzyme). W.O.W :D
What's more? Valproic acid has minimum sedative properties and geberally has no intolerable side effects (but using this medication on patient with hepatic dysfunction is not recommended). I thing it will be cool to my industry to synthesize this drug so there will be more epilepsy sufferer saved, hehehe :P
But, what's bad about those drugs? They are all TERATOGENIC. Yeah, i know there is no such thing like 100% safe drug. Every drug (and food) has its own side effect. Just like Paracelcus said "Poison is in everything, and no thing is without poison. The dosage makes it either a poison or a remedy"
I want to write a brief review about some of anti-epileptic drugs' mechanism. My favorite lecturer explained a few types of anti-epileptic drugs. Here they are (caution: may be very boring, but who cares, it is for my archieve):
#Phenytoin and Carbamazepin
These drugs prevents seizures by prolongs (and stabilizes) the inactivation time of sodium channels. In an epilepsy sufferer, the impulse in their nerve cells travel so fast and uncontrollable, causing a sudden, involuntary, and uncontrollable body and extremities movement (called grand-mal seizures). Sodium channels have an important role in this process; the traveling of impulse in nerve cells depends on how fast the propagation happens. Propagation happens when a sodium channel opens (activation), letting a sodium (Na+) ion enters the nerve cells and causing depolarization (reducing of electric potential/voltage between intracellular and extracellular milieu). This depolarization causing the next sodium channels to open, letting another sodium ion in and causing depolarization of that channel. Again, this depolarization open the next sodium channel to open. This event happens simultaneously until the impulse reaches the nerve cell ending. I imagine propagation as impulse running from channel to channel from axon to nerve cell ending.
Prolonged inactivation by those drugs causing the inhibition of impulse to travels, so they prevent seizures.
#Etosuksimid
Phenytoin and Carbamazepin, as told above, are used to treat grand-mal epilepsy (seizures of all parts of the sufferer's body). Beside grand-mal epilepsy there is another type of epilepsy, petit-mal epilepsy. In this epilepsy, the sufferer does not experience seizures. Instead, they are unconsious for a brief period of time. This may be accompanied by steady facial expressions and eyes staring blankly. People around them, or maybe themselves, may be unaware of this attack. Based on articles i read, 75% of petit-mal sufferers will experience grand-mal seizures later in their life :(
Petit-mal epilepsy's mechanism of occurance involves T-type (tiny/transient type) calcium channel. This type of calcium channels is an ion channel that can be activated by minor depolarization (slight reduction of electric potensial/voltage between intracellular and extracellular milleu). When it is activated, it opens and a calcium ion (Ca++) from extracellular milleu goes inside. Etosuksimid inhibits this channel to be open, thus prevents petit-mal attack.
Okay...those are from my lecturer. Then i searched in internet about valproic acid. Here it is:
# Valproic Acid
I am fond of this drug. Why? Because later i knew how great it really is. Valproic acid is able to prolongs and stabilizes the sodium channels (like phenytoin and carbamazepin). It is able to inhibits the opening of T-type calcium channels (like etosuksimid). Therefore, valproic acid can prevent both grand-mal and petit-mal seizures. It's also inhibits metabolism (transamination) of GABA by inhibits GABA transaminase enzyme. GABA is known for its effect on inactivating nerve cells. So, if we inhibits GABA metabolism, there will be more active GABA, causing greater nerve cells inactivation (good way for preventing seizures). To make it sounds greater, it also shows transquillizing effect like lithium. It is also now being investigated as a potent medication for HIV, lupus and cancer (because it inhibits Histone-Diacetylase enzyme). W.O.W :D
What's more? Valproic acid has minimum sedative properties and geberally has no intolerable side effects (but using this medication on patient with hepatic dysfunction is not recommended). I thing it will be cool to my industry to synthesize this drug so there will be more epilepsy sufferer saved, hehehe :P
But, what's bad about those drugs? They are all TERATOGENIC. Yeah, i know there is no such thing like 100% safe drug. Every drug (and food) has its own side effect. Just like Paracelcus said "Poison is in everything, and no thing is without poison. The dosage makes it either a poison or a remedy"
29/10/10
Affluent. Wealthy. Rich. Well-Off. Prosper.
I want to possess my own industry someday. As a pharmacist-to-be, i want to own a pharmaceutical industry. Or maybe a few of them :D
I want my products to be halal. I will use 100% bovine gelatin for capsules. As long as it possible, i will avoid to use ethanol as an excipient. If i produce vaccines, hormones, or any other biotechnological drugs, it must be produced in a way that we can be sure it is halal.
It will be great if my industry synthesizes its active component by itself. Hmm...what will it synthesize? No, no...not a paracetamol because there are too many industries in Indonesia making drugs contain paracetamol. But paracetamol analogue will be alright. Maybe my industry will be making a new medication for acne, hahaha. A breakthrough molecule that completely diminish acne from skin in just a few minutes-no pain, no itchy or burning sensation, no marks left. Won't it be great?
Or new medication that is able to cure epilepsy forever. Take a few tablets and a sufferer will be seizure free for a lifetime! No long and boring treatment. No nasty side effects, and no worries!
But i don't see myself as a scientist who invent and synthesize those medications. I imagine myself as a rich woman who will pay other scientist to invent them. They are my team and i pay them to work for me. Drug designer team of Widyaninggar corporation, hahaha.
Okay, that's plan A. Plan B?
If it's too difficult for me to found a pharmaceutical industries, i think it will be great to found a cosmetic industry. Beauty business is one of many things i fond of. My cosmetics will assure it consumer that it will keep their skin, hair, lip, and nail healthy. Healthy is beautiful. My cosmetics will be safe enough to be consumed for a lifetime. Of course it will be halal, too.
The colours of its decorative products? It will be dominated by natural colours. Perfecting and defining women's beauty rather than covering them. Earthy-toned eye make up, nude-coloured lipstick, light pink brush. The smells of its parfume? Classy but sassy. Flowery but not boring. Gives a tough impression, but still states sweeteness and femininity. The woman uses my cosmetics are a gorgeous, confident woman who walks with charisma. Hahaha.
Plan C, is the plan if two plans above are too impossible. But nothing is too impossible. What is plan C, then? To found a drugstore or aesthetic centre. I want to be a business owner.
Why do I want to be a business owner? I always say that's because I wanna be rich. Maybe people consider me as a person who is obsessed to be rich. The truth is, i want to provide jobs for more people. Has no money and no fixed job apparently cause most of crime nowadays. Poverty must be responsible for most society problems. So, i want people to have enough money so they can feed and achieve a better life...without doing gross things to get money.
Before i can have them have enough money, i have to have much money on my own first. I have to be rich!
I want my products to be halal. I will use 100% bovine gelatin for capsules. As long as it possible, i will avoid to use ethanol as an excipient. If i produce vaccines, hormones, or any other biotechnological drugs, it must be produced in a way that we can be sure it is halal.
It will be great if my industry synthesizes its active component by itself. Hmm...what will it synthesize? No, no...not a paracetamol because there are too many industries in Indonesia making drugs contain paracetamol. But paracetamol analogue will be alright. Maybe my industry will be making a new medication for acne, hahaha. A breakthrough molecule that completely diminish acne from skin in just a few minutes-no pain, no itchy or burning sensation, no marks left. Won't it be great?
Or new medication that is able to cure epilepsy forever. Take a few tablets and a sufferer will be seizure free for a lifetime! No long and boring treatment. No nasty side effects, and no worries!
But i don't see myself as a scientist who invent and synthesize those medications. I imagine myself as a rich woman who will pay other scientist to invent them. They are my team and i pay them to work for me. Drug designer team of Widyaninggar corporation, hahaha.
Okay, that's plan A. Plan B?
If it's too difficult for me to found a pharmaceutical industries, i think it will be great to found a cosmetic industry. Beauty business is one of many things i fond of. My cosmetics will assure it consumer that it will keep their skin, hair, lip, and nail healthy. Healthy is beautiful. My cosmetics will be safe enough to be consumed for a lifetime. Of course it will be halal, too.
The colours of its decorative products? It will be dominated by natural colours. Perfecting and defining women's beauty rather than covering them. Earthy-toned eye make up, nude-coloured lipstick, light pink brush. The smells of its parfume? Classy but sassy. Flowery but not boring. Gives a tough impression, but still states sweeteness and femininity. The woman uses my cosmetics are a gorgeous, confident woman who walks with charisma. Hahaha.
Plan C, is the plan if two plans above are too impossible. But nothing is too impossible. What is plan C, then? To found a drugstore or aesthetic centre. I want to be a business owner.
Why do I want to be a business owner? I always say that's because I wanna be rich. Maybe people consider me as a person who is obsessed to be rich. The truth is, i want to provide jobs for more people. Has no money and no fixed job apparently cause most of crime nowadays. Poverty must be responsible for most society problems. So, i want people to have enough money so they can feed and achieve a better life...without doing gross things to get money.
Before i can have them have enough money, i have to have much money on my own first. I have to be rich!
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